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mwphisto · 28 days ago

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Zayne: Misbehaved

~For @cayla21 who sent me the request! I hope you like it!

~ Bratty reader x Brat Tamer Zayne / not beta read, ignore small errors I'm dyslexic

Warning, this post contains: Smut, female masturbation, bratty behavior, Zayne is on a zoom call so like... spanking, no foreplay since MC took care of that herself lmfao, dirty talk, no degrading but he does scold her. WC: 2.8k

You had been feeling a tad bit neglected by your boyfriend recently.

You couldn't blame him for being busy, his job was demanding and strenuous so of course it took a lot of his time. You did your best most days to not complain, not wanting to add to his growing stress by whining about how much you miss him.

Being a brat was one thing, being a bother was another. And you'd much prefer staying far away from the bother side of things if you could help it. Zayne didn't deserve that after all.

Today was supposed to be your day, a rare day off with all of the recent wanderer attacks. Zayne happened to have the day to himself as well, naturally you planned on spending it together...

Until an urgent work call came in and now Zayne had been in your shared bedroom glued to his laptop for forty five minutes and counting. Bother him? No, of course not. You wouldn't dare distract him from the meeting at hand... right?

Wrong. You were annoyed beyond belief that the hospital couldn't give him a damn break even on his day off. While you may not have the right to go to the board and bitch on your boyfriend's behalf. You could certainly make use of your lost time.

You were quiet as you peeked into the bedroom, Zayne's desk was facing the door, the wall next to the closet as his background. You two had decided that was likely best since it looked put together, definitely not like a well loved bedroom.

He was talking, glasses hanging a little lower on his nose as hazel eyes scanned over papers in his hands. "The patient's treatment plan states..." blah blah blah, you tuned it out immediately. It wasn't like you'd understand what he was talking about if you listened.

Shouldering your way in, Zayne's eyes only flickered up for a second to acknowledge you before returning to his papers. Perfect.

"I understand, Dr. Alastor. But I wrote this treatment plan as such because..." there was a slight edge to Zayne's tone, one that sent a shrill of excitement down your spine as you padded over to his side of the bed. The voice filling his computer speakers seemed equally as tense, they clearly weren't seeing eye to eye.

With your back to Zayne, you reached for the hem of the shirt you had on. Yanking the material up and over your head in one go, the cool air of the room making your nipples harden almost immediately. His evol must be going a little haywire due to his frustrations.

You ached to glance over your shoulder, curious to know if your movements had caught his attention or if he was so focused on getting his way that he had tunnel vision. You held strong, reaching down to pull the waistband of your underwear from your hips. The garment sliding down your legs and falling to the floor.

You were completely bare, only daring to look at Zayne so you could crawl onto the bed and get yourself settled. When you did look, you jumped slightly when you realized his eyes were focused on you.

There was a warning look in his eyes, one that screamed don't you dare. But you were still peeved, you were going to do what you wanted while his ass was glued to that seat and that call. You only smiled at him, something soft and innocent as you crawled onto the bed and plopped yourself among the sheets and pillows.

Everything contradicted what you were doing, skin bare and taunting him as you let your thighs fall open in a butterfly position. You were already visibly wet, how long had you been planning this?

"Dr. Zayne? Your camera froze." heat flared in your lover's ears, head turning back to the camera so fast you couldn't stifle the small giggle that escaped your lips. He was going to eat you alive for this, punish you so severely you'd struggle to walk for a few days. You could feel it in your bones, Zayne wasn't going to show any mercy.

"My apologies, the connection was a bit spotty for a moment..." Still, he snuck a glance as your fingers began to massage your breasts. You had to be mindful of the fact that he was not only on camera but his microphone was on. If you made too much noise, they'd hear. As bratty as you could be, you knew not to cross that line.

The voice - a different male doctor - began ranting. From what you could gather, he was siding with Zayne. Didn't matter much to you as your fingers twisted and pinched at your perked nipple, lips parting as a slight gasp slipped out. In an instant, you heard Zayne's fingers click something on his keyboard.

"You've got two choices." Your hands stop, eyes locking with his. His hands are folded, effectively hiding his mouth from the webcam's view. "Either you stop what you're doing and wait for me to be done with this nonsense." Hazel eyes narrow at the computer screen briefly before returning to you. "Or you get dressed and we start this day over." You felt a giggle rising in your chest.

"Yeah, no. Don't wanna do either." Your hand snaked down the front of your body, gliding over your stomach before stopping just above your glistening cunt. "I'm having some me time while you work. Just pretend I'm not even here, if that helps you focus better."

You shoot him a wink, watching his jaw clench and eyes flare in disbelief as two fingers slip between your puffy lips. There's a twitch in your expression as your fingers graze your clit, slowly rubbing in a clockwise motion as your walls flutter from the sensation. "Dr. Zayne, what are your thoughts?" You don't falter in your movements as Zayne visible stiffens, a flare of annoyance in his eyes as he returns.

"You know my stance on the matter, I'm not budging."

The bickering begins again, but all you can do is move your fingers faster. You've effectively worked your lover up, the evidence straining against his sleep pants as your fingers work your clit.

Your other hand continued to tweak and toy with your nipple, toes curling as you clenched around nothing. The pleasure coursing through your pussy was enough to have small, barely audible whimpers leave your mouth. Completely incontrollable, coming out with each breath as slick covered your fingers.

You dared to sink them lower, leaving your clit alone as you pushed two slick fingers past your fluttering entrance. The whine was louder, Zayne's eyes sliding over to catch a glimpse of the sinful display.

"Fuck, Zayne. Need you so bad... hurry up!" You're grinning as you whisper, back arching off the mattress as you curl your fingers up and into that sweet spot. You grab your breast for support, squeezing the pliant flesh between your fingers and swallow a moan.

Zayne can't think straight, not when you're so boldly going against his wishes and pleasuring yourself feet away from him. He can't move, can't offer anything more to the heated debate unfolding on his screen. All he can think about is the sinful squelching of your fingers as you pump them in and out of your cunt.

He's going to ruin you, completely and utterly ruin you the second can end this call. A quick click of his keyboard, double checking he was muted, and then he spoke. "If you cum-"

"Course m'gonna cum, you can't stop m-me!" close, you were so close. The thrill of disobedience fueling your pleasure.

Zayne knew he had no control over the situation, his frustration bubbling to the surface as he clicked his microphone back on. "With all due respect, this is my day off. If you are going to butt heads for hours on end, save it for when I am back in work tomorrow morning."

You assumed the conference call was stunned, that sort of tone was one Zayne rarely let leave the house... technically he still kept it on a short leash considering you were still in the house. You weren't sure of what their responses were, your orgasm crashing into you and causing your fingers to stutter in their repetitive movements.

Your chest heaved from the release, eyes blinking open in time to see Zayne slamming his laptop shut. "You." A single word, that's all it took. A chill ran down your spine, legs snapping shut as you curled in on yourself. There was nowhere to run, your heart never calming down post-release because of the anticipation.

"You are such a defiant brat." Zayne's face was the picture of calm, collected, but there was that edge again, one that told you that he was on the verge of losing his mind. "I-I don't..." but you were fixed in place with a stare. There was no room to push the limits now.

"Did I give you permission to speak?" You had half the mind left to be defiant, yet your body was moving on autopilot. Your lips stayed shut as you shook your head, eyes going glossy as you stared up at your lover. "If I recall, I told you that you had two options and you did neither." His fingers were pulling at the hem of his shirt.

Inch by inch, toned skin was revealed to your hungry gaze. You'd never get tired of seeing Zayne shed his layers. "Then you further disobeyed me by coming on your fingers." the shirt fell with a thump, landing somewhere on the floor with your discarded clothing.

One knee went up on the mattress, urging you to slink back and away. Part of you wondered how stupid it would be to try and run, with the little dignity you had left you weren't sure making a run for it while bare naked was the smartest move. Even if you wanted to, your legs weren't quite working fully. Hadn't this been your goal?

"All while I was on a call. It's shameful, did you want my colleagues to hear you playing with your pussy like the brat you are? Did it turn you on to know that they're unaware of you masturbating on my bed? That I couldn't get up from the camera to put you in your place?" A hand wraps around your ankle and tugs you towards him.

"Answer me, you can speak."

"N-no it didn't, what turned me on was that you couldn't get up to fuck me stupid even if you wanted to-hey!" You were being flipped over, face connecting with the pillows as Zayne crawled onto the bed completely. "Don't you dare go running your mouth again." A hard slap echoed off your ass cheek, your lips sealing shut before any smart remarks could slip out against your will... habit maybe.

"Disobeying me." Another slap. "Touching yourself." Another slap. "Mouthing off to me." A fourth slap. Your ass cheek stung, heat radiating where Zayne had spanked you. "And this is for enjoying it." You squealed as he landed a slap on your sopping cunt, stinging pleasure zipping up your spine. "Naughty girl."

You couldn't think straight, air freezing in your lungs as you felt him nudging against your entrance. You craned your head back, fingers tightening in the sheets as your breasts pressed into the blankets. Zayne's sleep pants were around his thighs, just low enough to let his cock free. "Don't look." Another smack to your sore ass.

Your head returned to the pillow, not daring to mumble an apology. "Good girls get to watch, and you most certainly have not been good." Your throat tightened as he pressed, the pressure against your dripping hole enough to make your body tense. No foreplay, no preparation, you were wet enough as it is. Taking him without anything else was part of the punishment.

"You played with yourself more than enough, look at how messy this pretty pussy is." Zayne swallowed a groan as he stopped teasing your entrance, running the dull head of his cock between your warm, slick folds. "You've had me more than enough times, you'll live."

He was back at your entrance before you could even whine, pushing past the tight ring and sighing as you immediately suctioned around him. Arguably, the worst was done, the stretch brief before your body accommodated to being filled. Except, Zayne didn't push himself in further. Rather, he withdrew entirely.

"Z-zayne!" You squealed as he repeated the motion, pushing just the head in before pulling back out. Not stopping until he felt zero resistance. "You can handle it, you've done it before." His hands were gripping your waist with bruising force, sliding inch after inch until his hips were flush with your bruised ass.

"You're finally being good, if you behave maybe I'll give you a reward."

You couldn't breathe, stuffed so full you could only let your mouth hang open as you braced yourself for him to start moving. Zayne started moving, pulling back half way to roll his hips forward in slow deep motions. You could feel every inch, every vein, the curve of his head, each movement hitting that sweet spot.

It didn't take long for his pace to pick up, wet squelches filling the room as skin met skin with each thrust. "So defiant, what am I going to do with you." Zayne's voice was strained, hands sliding from your hips up to your breasts. He cupped them, bending over you to press his bare chest to your back. "You never learn."

A whisper against your ear, just as he rolled your perked nipple between his fingers. "M-maybe I just like disobeying." You couldn't help it, and it seemed Zayne was going to let it slide for once.

"A glutton for punishment, not shocking." You could only mewl, completely engulfed by Zayne's warmth and weight. One hand left your breasts, sliding down your stomach to slip between your soaked folds. "Wouldn't have it any other way." He pinched, earning a squeal before he began rubbing your overly sensitive clit.

Your second orgasm was building quick. With his hips pounding into you and his fingers toying with your cunt, you couldn't stop the string of curses that fled your lips. "Z-zayne 'm gonna cum..."

"Then cum, you have my permission." Your entire body trembled, if he wasn't going to edge you it could only mean... "fuck!"

Your walls spasmed around his length, forcing his hips to stutter in their movements as your cum dripped down your thighs "Someone is definitely listening now." You could only cling to the sheets, panting as Zayne's fingers and hips began their brutal pace once more.

"We're not stopping until I'm satisfied."

"S'too sensitive! Z-zayne!" But he didn't stop, didn't even hesitate. The wet sounds only amplified as he pounded you deeper into the mattress. "Y-you can take it, you've done it before and you'll do it now." Tears blur your vision, eyes screwing shut as painful overstimulation turns into blinding pleasure.

He was twitching, already close to coming. "Should I cum in this pretty pussy? Fill her up nice and full?" You babbled out some sort of yes, tears wetting the pillow below you as you cried out his name. "I'll fill you up so good you'll be dripping me for days." The kind of language Zayne reserved for you and you alone. What an honor.

"Please, Z-zayne! N-need it so b-ad." You were coming again, a high pitched squeal leaving you as you thrashed against the sheets. The warm gush of your release covering his thighs and the sheets below. "So filthy, making a mess of me and our bed." he was twitching, face flushed, his orgasm was right in his grasp.

A hard smack landed on your other ass cheek, a loud sob wracking your frame as Zayne ground his hips into you. "How badly do you want my cum? Do you think you deserve it?" God you couldn't even see straight, how did he expect you to answer him? You mumbled something, a slur of speech accompanied by the clenching of your walls. It was the best you could do, but Zayne understood.

"Could never deny you, even though you can be a royal brat."

Zayne's hand on your breast and grip around your waist was the only thing keeping you somewhat grounded. His rhythm turned sloppy, finally coming as he ground his hips flush against you. The warmth was all consuming, spreading through your body until you could barely keep your eyes open. "l-love you."

"I love you too, but I hope you know I'm not done with you yet." Zayne's tone was smug, cock still hard and twitching in your cunt. "I've got all day and night to make you see the error of your ways." You were positive he'd never get the message across. If it meant getting fucked like this? You'd defy him again and again.

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sometimeslwish · 15 days ago

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Sleeping Naked (f!reader version)

Summary: Imagine waking up to Sylus warmth beside you, one arm heavy on your waist as you play chase with sleep– you're the mouse– and alternate between being awake and asleep.

(m!reader version)

The beginning is loosely inspired in my struggle to wake up these past few days (one of the many signs of my imminent period) I finished this on (June 4th) which is both earlier and later than expected; later because I wanted to finish it on the same day I started writing it (June 2nd) and earlier because– drum roll please– Surprise, it's @comatosebunny09 birthday!!!! Perfect fucking timing, in my humble opinion.

Bunbun, japiverdei!! I hope you have a great day and get to enjoy it!!! I already planned on dedicating this fic to you, but it's even better that I get to make it a birthday gift. I hope you enjoy ^-^

Word count: 1,831

Tags: Sylus x afab!reader, established relationship, sleeping together (at first), bit of somnophilia at the beginning (consensual), Sylus toying with your pussy, waking up to sex, lazy morning sex, cuddle fucking, p in v, creampie (wrap it before you tap it), pet names (Sweetheart, sweetie, sweet thing, baby, sweetness)

You're aware he's there with you, but you're still too tired to fully wake up.

You can't do more than blink your eyes open for a few seconds at a time before you're going back under. So you go for the next best thing: put a leg over both of his and grab his hand.

Sleep drags you away to the feeling of his lips on the back of your hand, a dopey smile on your face.

There's a ticklish feeling between your legs, right at your pubic bone. Your underwear works as a barrier from it, so you can't tell what it is. You know the touch is light, tracing, drawing shapes that you can't make sense of, moving downwards before coming back up.

You shift your legs a little, opening them more, but make no other move as sleep's unrelenting grip pulls you back under.

The touch continues, still light, but with your quiet consent it doesn't stop its descent. It traces circles over your labia and your entrance before going back up and circling around your clit without applying any pressure, and then back down it goes.

The movement is lazy, unhurried and slow, stimulant enough to bring attention but not enough to bother you– it's not intense enough to wake you and keep you with him.

It's oddly comforting, and it doesn't help with your fight to stay up instead of falling back asleep.

Are you even asleep? You can't tell anymore, your dreams have always been vivid.

Fingers dip closer to your entrance, trace around it without going in, collecting the wetness on it. Then they go back up to trace gentle, barely there circles on your clit. Your hips twitch towards it, the pressure isn't gratifying enough.

The mischievous chuckle beside you is deep and rich; it melts you further in place. You hum softly and cuddle closer to the warmth beside you, still sleepy, still barely there, still unable to tell between dream and reality.

You feel lips against your temple before fabric is pulled aside and a finger breaches your entrance. It pulls a soft little sigh from you, and he can't help but think you're adorable. How receptive to him you are, even while asleep. His chest swells up with pride, with love, because you trust him this much to be completely relaxed and unworried.

“So perfect for me, baby.” He whispers to himself and starts fucking you with it, slowly, like he's got all the time in the world. And when the slide becomes easier, he adds another one. That addition pulls a sleepy gasp from you, a subtle hitch in breath he wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't paying attention. The hum and clench around his fingers that follow makes his cock throb against your thigh, but he ignores it in favor of seeing how much farther he can push it before you wake up.

One of your hands shoots up, jerky and stuttery in its movements as it sneaks under his clothes, before fingers wrap loosely around his cock. You give one faint squeeze around the head, and he considers you might be awake, eyes closed and all, but you make no other movement. The next breath he takes is shaky, mouth against your shoulder as he leaves a kiss there.

His fingers resume the movement inside you. The pace slowly picks up, along with the pressure and soon enough, he's watching– in awe and in love– as your hips start chasing after his fingers. He stares, takes in every detail. The slight frown on your face, the light sheen of sweat, feels you clench uncontrollably around his fingers, the shake of your legs as you cum on them; it all makes his cock throb.

Even when you close your legs around his hand and grind into his palm, you still don't wake. He wonders what you were dreaming of, what has got you this gone into your dreams? He waits until your legs fall back open, and then he moves.

The first thing to go is your underwear, as beautiful as it looks on you, he wants it off. Wants nothing between the both of you but warmth and love and affection. Next is gently guiding you into lying on your side, your back to his chest. You go fairly willingly, curling up against him as he wraps an arm under you to keep you close.

Then go his boxers. He's more lazy with taking them off, desperate to be inside you, so he pulls them down to his thighs but doesn't kick them off. He's one handed as he guides his cock between your folds, bites back a groan as he grinds against them to coat his cock with your slick. The promise of what's to come makes his sight hazy and he has to focus on keeping control.

You moan when he slides in, finally all the way home.

“So good for me, sweetheart,” He praises, because he can't help it, incapable of keeping his mouth shut when he's inside you, of keeping the words in, “taking me so well.”

He sighs against your nape and leaves open mouthed kisses there, kneads your boobs and plays with your nipples in the same soft and lazy way from earlier. He knows you're awake when you shift to move and still when you find your movements limited.

“Sylus.” You call out to him and he swears he sees heaven when he hears your sleepy voice calling out to him.

“Good morning, baby,” He whispers, voice raspy with poorly held back desire. And god, isn't it so hot to have it so close to your ear? Good fucking morning indeed.

He rises to fully see you, and leans to kiss you, saving you the hassle of twisting your body to look at him. He kisses every area of your face he can reach, nose, eyelids, forehead, cheeks and finally, your lips.

The kiss is slow, languid, and filled with things left unsaid, things neither of you need to say out loud. Your soft sigh against his lips makes him smile and he can't help pulling away to look at you.

“Dream of anything?” He nuzzles his nose against yours before trailing off to kiss your cheek, all the way down to your neck.

“Had a fun one.” He hums, a hand reaching down to caress your thighs, your stomach, your ribs, “It was a little weird, but still fun and cool.”

“What was it about?” One of his fingers rounds your areola, touch feather-light as it keeps swirling inwards until it reaches your nipple. He flicks it once, before pinching and pulling. You arch into it, mouth falling open with a gasp.

“Sweetie, answer the question.” He reminds with a whisper, teeth nibbling your shoulder in warning.

“I was… somewhere– a spaceship.” You blink, frowning as you try to pick up the sand like pieces of your dreams while he keeps distracting you. “Delivering cargo for some organization. You were there too.”

“Oh?”

You whine when you feel him start to pull away.

He shushes you gently, “It's okay, sweet girl.” before thrusting back in. His thrusts are slow, deep and toe curling. You can't help concentrating on the feeling of the slow drag of his cock against your walls.

“Keep going, sweetness, why was I there?”

You huff in frustration, “I don't know, I think the cargo was for you.” You moan at the change of angle, and grip onto his forearm like your life depends on it. Every drag of his cock against your sweet spot makes your eyes roll and stars burst behind your eyelids.

“What happened after?”

“Ah– after what?” You clench around him and he groans.

“After you dropped the cargo.” As unaffected as he tries to sound, his breathing starts picking up. You're so warm around him, clenching on him like a vice, so perfect and soft.

“You– you took me to your office and–” Your combined moans take over as ambiance for the room, along with the squelch of your pussy as it clings to his cock. The claps of your skin start to join in the melody as your moans rise in pitch. He furrows his brows, groans with the effort to keep the rhythm steady– to not let go and move his hips faster, harder.

“And?” He hides his face in your neck, nuzzles the skin there and keeps you moored to him, arms coiled around you like a clingy octopus.

“You were… being a little shit, as usual,” he can't help but chuckle at your choice of words. It sends a wave of shivers down your spine, tingling all the way down to your cunt, “kept walking around a-as if you were a vulture and cornered me against the– fuck– the desk.”

“Oh no,” you can feel his grin against the crook of your shoulder. He's not even trying to hide it, not in his voice and not in his actions, “What else did I do?” One of his hands starts snaking down your stomach, the back of his nails raking softly down your skin and leaving goosebumps behind as they go. “I couldn't have possibly done–” his fingers reach your clit and start pressing slow circles into it– “something like this?”

Your consequent moan makes him throb inside you, and you can't help the way your hips buck.

“Sylus, please.” You whine. You're close, he can tell, can feel you clench around him like a vice, feels the way your back arches away from him, sees the way your hips move.

He still decides to be a little shit about it, “Please what, sweetie? Use your big girl words.”

“Wanna cum.”

“Yeah? Don't want me to stop?” He hums at your string of ‘yes’s and nibbles at your earlobe, “Go ahead, sweet thing, come for me,” hisses when you pull at his hair, “Let me feel you.”

You come with his name on your lips, and his voice whispering sweet nothings on your ear, eyes rolling to the back of your head and your sight going crazy with colors.

“Fuck, where do you want it, princess?” He's breathless, desperate for release but still holding back for you.

“In, inside, please, please, please.” That's all it takes for him to follow. His hips slam once, twice, before he's buried as far as he can go inside you and cumming. He groans into your neck, biting at the skin as his hips still.

It's quiet for a while, where both of you spend the time catching your breaths. He licks at the teeth marks and kisses them before trailing a path of kisses down to your shoulder. You're the one to break the peaceful silence by stretching out of his hold and turning your body towards him with a grin.

“Good morning, Sy.”

He returns the grin, and slots his body against yours as you kiss. Here comes round two.

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mandalhoerian · 6 months ago

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Repost because tumblr's tags were broken yesterday and it ate my post up 😞 Spoilers and translation notes for Rafayel's intertidal zone & analysis because it kinda floored me, I was just as a blank page as he was throughout this. I had to watch it like 5 times to understand what the story was saying and dig into chinese and japanese versions of this to piece together what was really happening. It may be my idiot brain not getting it and maybe it was like the easiest thing to understand for you but. Yeah. I may be just dumb LMFAO AND!!!! There's also a theory of mine into how Rafayel is actually able to read mc's mind/wishes through their lemurian bond, so stay tuned for that I guess

EDIT: correcting some transcriptions of chinese characters and the translations. sorry about that! google couldn't transcribe it correctly. for clarity's sake i will also include original screenshots. please tell me if anything is wrong!

EDIT 2: Check out part 2 to this as well for stuff I missed!

EDIT 3: An Abysswalker connection I found

EDIT 4: Debunking the myths of non-consent & Rafayel hurting MC in the spicy scene

So Rafayel’s whole deal in this memory, I believe, is dependency. Like, too much intensity, too much need, too much fear -- about scaring her off, about what he sees himself possibly becoming in the future, overall just being too reliant on mc and getting scared by it.

Let's begin with this massive fear of being a taker, not just in the “I’m stealing someone’s fries” way, but in this existential, soul-deep kind of way where he’s terrified of turning everything he loves into something he exploits out of demand for his art. And yeah, it’s sad when you first hear him say it, but it’s also really interesting when you look at how this all ties into his relationship with MC and his inspiration source drying up because of her.

Before Rafayel became an artist, he looked at the world in this super pure, wholesome way. Sceneries and nature were just there, things to admire and feel awe over without needing to do anything about it. Like, imagine standing at the edge of a desert, looking at a sea that’s drying up. Sure, it’s tragic, but it’s also kind of beautiful in a raw, heartbreaking way. That’s how Rafayel saw things, he could appreciate them without feeling like he had to do anything.

But then Rafayel started creating, and suddenly, sceneries weren’t just sceneries anymore. They became inspiration. He wasn’t just admiring beauty, he was extracting something from it, its meaning, its pain, its soul, to turn into art for other people. And that made him feel all kinds of icky, because now he wasn’t just looking at the drying sea. He was taking from it. Just as he's using his people's pain in his art as well, that's also a thing.

Now let’s talk about MC. Rafayel loves her like he used to love those sceneries,,, in this pure, untainted way. There's a parallel here. But here’s the kicker, he’s not the same guy who can just admire something and leave it untouched anymore.

And suddenly, this is no longer only about losing inspiration for him.

This happens after he and MC get together, and it’s like all the pain and anguish that used to fuel his creativity just.. ... dries up. He can’t find that spark anymore because now his life is surrounded by love instead of suffering. In fact, his inspiration starts coming from her and it's starting to clash with how he makes art. In the phone call, he seeks her out and says he needs her so bad and she only needs to talk to help him out. This is the first wink wink nod nod of the story.

So what does Rafayel do? He goes on this big, dramatic trip to "find inspiration" (or at least his muse), but it’s not just about his art. He’s not just looking for inspiration, he’s trying to figure out how to be less dependent on her and becoming increasingly more restless over this. The temparature and physical discomfort is making things worse, he's anxiously overthinking, and imagine trying to fight this and the longest art block as of late off when all you want to do is indulge in this special person and be comforted like a lap cat all day every day.

He understands that if he lets himself indulge without restraint, one day his love for mc will turn into pure need. He’ll become more and more greedy, and he doesn’t want that and is afraid of being abandoned because of that growing neediness and dependency.

This is in relation to his art, because as @/dat-silvers-girl put in the comments, he's struggling with "the genuine fear of not being able to enjoy anything in life because all you're thinking about how to use it (as an artist)" . what if he starts doing this to her? to their love and relationship? take from her, and become someone who only takes in every area of life -- like someone who only exploits things by extracting what he feels about them to use it for his art. he's afraid of that, he doesn't like that and possibly doesn't like himself who does it. so why should she? she would leave him for sure, in his head, that's a solid reason to.

The first time around he brings up his anxiety about MC leaving him out of the inner realization of his dependency, the possibility of just what he can become, and fear of abandonment. she effortlessly soothes his worries. It's heavily implied they did it afterwards and after hearing "her life has already been consumed by him" he tweaked out a little bit and his "obsession" seeped through.

After it fades to black, he says ほら……僕もとっくに……君に侵食されてしまっているんだ…… which means "See... I've already been completely consumed by you too" in Japanese instead of the life being made a chaotic mess localization. While I think MC's line was jokey and lighthearted, I don't think this man is joking at all. Rafayel didn't say his life was consumed by her as well, he said HE was consumed. Ouh.

This took the edge off from him for a while but they hadn't gotten to the root of the problem yet, so he was back to square one after the memorial hall, because remember, he's trying to find inspiration as an act of making this dependency of his better. Pain and suffering are all around him here, which his inspiration feeds off of. The dried up ocean he could hear weakening, the skeleton of the whale, the burden of his people and homeland more prominent than before. And what does MC do? Tear through the perspective of pain and introduce a hopeful alternative, "Isn't it a surprise to see an ocean in the middle of the desert?"

This is a place that gave Rafayel the height of helplessness and suffering when he visited by himself before despite momentarily being hopeful after the locals told him such a place existed. But now, she was there to comfort him through his loneliness and pain, hug him, and give him hope yet again. He brings up how he wanted to come here with the most important person to him when he was still hopeful about it before consumed by the pain of it all, and that wish has been granted. That moment has to be so powerful for Rafayel. Literally light at the end of the tunnel.

It had me reeling that he just sat in the car after all that, staring at her for god knows how long until she woke up. He was probably overthinking again, but my interpretation that it was heavily emotional for him (it could have meant so little for MC but the world for him, she doesn't even know) and he wanted to be in that moment with her, just feel and look without restraint. Indulge a little. (I can just imagine him going just a little bit more, I'll go after she wakes up.) And like. His eyes are shining in the darkness is the description here. Perhaps he was feeling so much here. So much love. So much happiness. And he's about to go in for a kiss (heavy breathing and everything) after that, but holds himself back and actively has to pry himself away. He's feeling the neediness again.

That’s why he makes an effort to actively wean himself off and says he'll be okay on his own. What he says to her after MC is like "spoiling him" being all "hey you're sick maybe don't go? or let's go together?" (which is NOT helping Rafayel at all) is even more meaningful in Japanese and I didn't know why they left out this context, but the rearranged line would be "Do you want me to become a sea creature beached on the sand after the sea recedes, unable to breathe on my own ever again?"

Yeah. YEAH. This is about dependency. (He's saying don't coddle me I'll literally become that wolf tearing his shirt meme 😭)

So of course his stubbornness and anxiety force him to do things without MC and distance himself, he can do it. He’s determined to prove to himself that he can endure it on his own.

I also feel like part of the reason he insisted on going to the salon alone is that he’s still worried mc might come to dislike the version of him who's someone he's so sure she will leave, who isn't perfect and he hides behind the persona he's put up just for her. If he truly becomes addicted to her and shows her everything/his true self, and she ends up leaving him, it would completely break him. He's trying to be like "im so normal about her haha" but he's so not normal about her at all. He's literally obsessed I feel like, and perhaps this is him fighting it knowing it's not healthy.

and OOOH about why he ends up coming back from the salon all hot and bothered.

I have strong context that she flicked the bean in there after he left her high and dry in the car ("hot water washes away the stickiness from my body and his stifled breaths still echo in my ears, enveloping me along with the steam in the bathroom. The warmth from his fingertips lingers in the places where he touched me..." is the english. however, in chinese, it goes "熱水洗去身上的黏膩，壓抑的喘息迴盪在我耳畔，和浴室裡氤氳的水氣一起包裹著我." stating "the suppressed breathing" -- which doesn't have any possessive adjectives when I translated it on google and later explicitly asked chatgpt if it had any his/my adjectives involved, just to be sure. it said no but i'd like it if a real chinese speaking person could give their input on this !!! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME WITH CHATGPT

so um. if the context is in fact the case that he heard her masturbating to him, the intensity with which he attacked her would be normal, I think 😭

I have belief that MC unconsciously shatters his "training himself to be without her" determination through their bond. She just keeps thinking about him the entire time. about him reading her thoughts, though. we still don't know all about the lemurian bond they share. I’d say it grants him some sort of mind/heart reading ability or connects their minds together (when she was thinking about whether she should hug him, he answered “yes”).

At the salon, I imagine Rafayel was already thinking about her like crazy. Then he realized, or perhaps, "heard" she was still worrying about him and thinking of him (as much he thought about her) and decided to go back. Rafayel probably felt that suppressing himself was only making her more anxious and unsettled. She's thinking all about him, unconsciously calling to him to come to her, she didn't want to let him go at all, wanted to go with him, etc...

but even if it was his own decision and no mind reading was involved... uh. If you ask me. He did quite literally hear her after coming back. That's also something that might make him think she wants him as much as he wants her, which made his self-restraint utterly meaningless from the start.

Disregarding this theory of mine proven wrong until a Chinese speaker helps me out here, MC returned to Rafayel's room. A translation omission happened here from what I saw. There are no possessive adjectives in the Chinese text about the room she returns to, and the Japanese one states she returned to the guest room (doesn't specify which one. She was also able to enter Rafayel's room without needing to knock before.)

so uh. she went into rafayel's room y'all. the line "this is my room, you're the one who walked in here" MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE. (SO LIKE. NOT ONLY DID SHE GO INTO HIS ROOM, SHE FLICKED THE BEAN THERE AND HE POSSIBLY HEARD IT. SHE'S MORE OF A FREAK THAN HE IS, I UNDERSTAND WHY HE LET GO AFTER THAT LMFAO)

I don't put it past him to get worked up after he finds her in his room post-bath even without my theory lmfao (idk why they put her in a dress when she should be in a bathrobe or something 😭)

His conclusion at the end of this memory that "he finds inspiration in pain and the art of creation is a part of his life. mc made him realize love and art are so alike. even if they don't complete him but burn him instead he wants them (love and art) with every fiber of his being" and MC says she doesn't like that, rightfully so.

So like. There's SO MUCH to unpack in here.

When Rafayel says he finds inspiration in pain and that creation is a part of his life, he’s admitting something raw and essential about himself: pain isn’t just a byproduct of his art, it’s intrinsic to it. For Rafayel, pain and art are intertwined in a way that’s almost inseparable. It’s like his muse isn’t just beauty, but beauty that hurts.

But then he takes this further by connecting art to love. He’s realized that both art and love demand the same from him: vulnerability, passion, and sometimes suffering. They don’t necessarily complete him (he’s not romanticizing them as salvation), but they burn him, wear him down, consume him (coincidentally, this is something he said to MC in the JP dub of this memory, that she consumes him), but also give him life. And for Rafayel, that’s the crux, even if they burn him, he wants them with every fiber of his being.

This is such a Rafayel thing to say. It’s dramatic, it’s tortured, but it’s also deeply SUBTLE. He doesn't spell all of these out, mind you, I got a headache trying to understand him. Or I'm just slow, I don't know. It shows how much he values creation and connection, even if they come at a cost.

MC, on the other hand, challenges this perspective. When she says she doesn’t like that he views love and art as things that burn him, she’s pushing back against the idea that suffering is a necessary part of creation, or love. MC doesn’t want Rafayel to see their relationship as something that requires him to hurt. She’s telling him, “You don’t have to destroy yourself to love me.”

When MC says, “You’ll never have to burn for me,” she’s giving Rafayel an alternative to his destructive mindset. She’s saying that love doesn’t have to hurt, that their relationship can exist without him sacrificing himself on the altar of passion. It’s a refusal to let Rafayel romanticize pain as the price of love.

And I love that Rafayel goes, "Will you help me look for other parts in life outside of pain?" in response. This is NOT about art or inspiration anymore, and the way the dialogue is written is just AUGH. Again I had to rewatch this over and over again for the nuances and subtext.

I love MC's response, she knew exactly what to say. “I’ll always be the one who walks along the shore with you. Of course, diving into the sea bed is fine too. If it can snow in the desert, there will be a day when the ocean returns.”

MC’s response is layered with metaphors, but at its core, it’s about unwavering support and hope::

Walking along the shore: This represents safety and companionship. MC is saying she’ll be with Rafayel in the calm, in the moments where they’re just observing life without diving into its depths. She’ll be his steady presence, his grounding force.

Diving into the sea bed: This is an acknowledgment that life and love sometimes require going deeper and they may go through hardships, into the unknown, the murky, the challenging. MC isn’t afraid of this, she’s willing to go there with him too.

Snow in the desert and the ocean’s return: This is a symbol of hope and transformation beyond being a nod to The Sea of Golden Sand. Snow in the desert seems impossible, just like the idea of Rafayel finding inspiration outside of pain might feel impossible to him. But MC believes in the extraordinary, in change, and in the possibility that beauty and creation can exist outside of suffering.

Her words are a promise: she’s willing to stand by him, to face the unknown together, and to hold onto the belief that a new way of seeing the world is possible.

And Rafayel LOWKEY PROPOSES IN RETURN.

By saying “let’s watch the sea together,” he’s accepting MC’s offer of companionship and hope in the long run. He’s recognizing that life doesn’t have to be about diving into the depths alone, it can be about sharing the experience with someone else, even if it’s just standing on the shore and watching.

“Every sea”: This phrase is key. Rafayel isn’t just committing to one kind of life or one kind of inspiration, he’s opening himself up to all possibilities. Watching every sea means embracing all facets of life, whether they’re calm or turbulent, painful or beautiful. It’s a marriage proposal declaration that he’s ready to explore the world beyond pain, with MC by his side.

So. I love that his inspiration returns after his freak is accepted by MC because he literally feels the acceptance through the bond.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. This memory DRAINED me. They were just supposed to bang what the fuck happened. Why did I have to go treasure hunting to find what was going on in this card. anyway...

#love and deepspace #rafayel #lads #lads rafayel #rafayel lads #l&ds #l&ds rafayel #qi yu #rafayel qi #fandom: lads

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